If I could change one thing about how founders and leaders approach influence, it would be this: stop trying so hard.
That’s the counterintuitive wisdom I took from my Inside Influence podcast conversation with Professor Jonah Berger, Wharton marketing professor and author of Contagious and The Catalyst.
In a world that demands transformation, the traditional tools of persuasion just aren’t cutting it anymore. “Everyone is pushing, providing more information, more PowerPoint decks – and it just isn’t working,” Jonah told me.
And it’s not just companies. Whether you’re leading a team, pitching investors, speaking from stage or selling a vision, the same principle applies.
Pushing harder doesn’t work.
Why Pushing Creates Resistance
When we want to make an impact, our usual instinct is to increase force.
More facts, more reasons, more intensity. But humans tend to have one thing in common.
Push too hard, and we usually push back.
This “pushback” is what Berger calls reactance. People want to feel in control – and when they sense you’re trying to take that away, their defenses go up.
The real solution? Not more pressure, but fewer barriers. The best influencers act like catalysts in chemistry – they remove friction so change happens naturally.
The Menu Approach: Choice Creates Change
One of Jonah’s simplest tools (and my go-to strategy) is offering options.
“When you give people one option, they usually think about all the reasons it won’t work. But give them two or three, and they start comparing instead of resisting,” he explains.
This isn’t about tricking people. It’s about letting them choose their own path forward.
Think about it: rather than saying “There’s the only way we should approach this problem”, try “We could test this direction, or this one. Which feels like the better starting point?”
Suddenly, your team or clients aren’t resisting you – they’re collaborating with you.
Highlighting Gaps: The Thai Health Breakthrough
Another technique is exposing the gap between what people ‘believe’ and what they ‘do’.
Berger shared an anti-smoking campaign from Thailand: where children approached smokers and asked for a light. The smokers usually refused and explained why smoking is dangerous. The children then handed them a note:
“You worry about me, but not yourself. To quit, call this Quitline.”
Calls to the Quitline jumped 40%. Why? Because the campaign didn’t push. It simply highlighted a gap – which created a desire to take action.
The same works in business. Instead of saying “I need you to change your approach”, ask: “If someone else approached you this way – how might you feel?” That reframing helps people come to their own conclusion.
Fighting Both Sides: Turning Resistance Into Collaboration
Another powerful catalyst is what’s called fighting both sides. Here’s how it works:
- You state your case for why change or a specific action is needed.
- They state theirs for why they feel differently.
- Then, you deliberately swap sides. You argue their point of view, and they argue yours.
This approach genuinely changed how I handle persuasion in every area of my life. By stepping into each other’s shoes, both sides are forced to think deeply about an opposing perspective. Instead of a head-to-head battle, the conversation becomes a collaborative game.
Barriers soften. New insights surface. Pushing turns into perspective.
The Catalyst’s Mindset
Uncertainty is one of the biggest brakes on decision-making.
People don’t resist because your idea is bad – they resist because they’re unsure.
That’s why test drives sell cars. Why Zappos thrived by letting customers return shoes for free. Why smart leaders pilot projects before scaling them.
If you’re trying to lead change, don’t just push harder.
Lower the risk. Create a safe way for people to try on something new.
Essentially, stop asking: “How can I get people to do what I want?” and start asking: “Why haven’t they said yes yet? What’s in their way?”
Then, once you have the answer, find the right catalyst to remove it.
Keep showing up.
P.S. Want to go deeper? Check out my conversation with Professor Jonah Berger ‘The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind Without Having to Push’ – it’s full of practical ideas on how to influence with ease, not force.